An Assortment of Hats!

I’m not really a girly girl, I’ve always been a bit of a tomboy. Most of my friends are of the male gender, and a lot of times I’m referred to as “one of the boys”. Don’t get me wrong, I have a closet filled with dresses, and when the occasion calls for it, I’ll even throw in some jewelry. And for gods sake, do not touch my chocolate! I just don’t spend hours in front of the mirror putting on make-up and other really girly stuff. That’s not my thing, it never really was. I’m also the kind of person who would rather throw on a beanie than do my hair (it’s just so much easier!), and I’ve always been told at dinner tables “it’s bad manners to wear hats at the table”. In my head I’ll do rude gestures to the person talking to me, on the outside I’ll just blame it on a bad hair day =).

So here’s a selection of the hats currently in my possession. Mr. Bob-Igor Fluffy does not exist any more, so my new model is my zombie cookie jar (he can be used for so many things, I LOVE it!).

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The piranha beanie I mentioned in my last post, and I’m very aware that a piranha is not striped. It’s called artistic freedom! For those of you too lazy to find the pattern in my other post, here it is one more time =).

 

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A simple beanie knitted with alpaca wool (the green), and boulcé yarn from this company. The yarn was a gift from one of my aunts a few years back.

 

 

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This little number says “Latescape”, and it’s just a very dorky way of saying “laziness”. Some of us Norwegian mortals do this thing where we mix the literal translation with the English word (and a little dorkiness), “laziness” in Norwegian is “latskap”. You do the math ;). Who would have thonked dorky translations could be so much fun!

 

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This beanie is actually a gift from my grandmother, so I did not knit this one. It’s still part of my collection, and it would have felt left out if I didn’t show it.

 

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These 2 beanies were knitted with leftover Lerke yarn I had laying around, and they are even comfortable during the Summer.

 

 

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This beanie is knitted with Verdi yarn, and I used this pattern. It comes with a cowl as well. This has been my favorite beanie for some time now. I got three skeins of Verdi, and those skeins are BIG. You can almost knit an entire wardrobe with one of those. At least that’s what it feels like =).

 

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If you’ve been here before, you’ve seen my 30 Rock hats. For those of you (that one 1 person) who’s here for the first time, here they are one more time. Oh, and here’s a link to the post they’re in =).

 

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And for good measure, just because it’s my favorite hat in the whole wide world. I bought this years ago, and my grandmother wondered why on earth I would buy such a hat. Because it’s a moose! King of the forest! And it’s just plain fun, and deadly warm!

 

 

 

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Gifts For My Aunt And Her Hubbie!

One of my dearest friends is my youngest aunt, she’s only 5 1/2 years older than me. She’s the one who helped me the most when I first started going to therapy, she’s the one who can handle me when I want the world to burn to the ground =). She’s even taught me how to speak on the phone! I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. For the longest time I wasn’t able to have a conversation with anyone on the phone, and because of her I now can. We’ll spend hours on the phone if we get in the zone, and it’s not just a woman thing! =)
She’s also the one who taught me how to cast on stitches properly! She’s a wonderful person with a heart of gold, and she’s a very skilled knitter (knitting, crocheting and needlework runs in our family).

Some time ago I asked her if she could photograph the things I’ve made for her (I’ve really not been a good girl when it comes to taking pictures of the things I’ve knitted in the past).

 

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Fish hats knitted with Lerke yarn, this is the pattern I used. They hang in the hallway, and it’s one of the first things I see when I enter their house =). Three or four years ago I knitted at least a dozen fish hats, and gave to people for birthdays and Christmas. I’ve even made a piranha!

 

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These candle holders were a gift two or three years ago. I chose the colors to match the interior of the living room. And her cat wanted to show how handsome he is =). He really is handsome, and he loves me =D.

 

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This was her gift last year, she asked for a Christmas mobile to hang in one of the windows in the living room. She wanted red and gold hearts, so I did that =).

 

 

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This Volkswagen pillow was a gift for my “new” uncle last year (she got married a couple of years ago, I’m not good at remembering dates and Birthdays and anniversaries). He’s a man’s man, he likes cars and engines, he frequently visits airplane shows. He’s also a farmer (he’s the eldest son in the family and inherited/is going to inherit the family farm). I found inspiration for the pillow on Ravelry, but I don’t crochet very well. So I drew a pattern from the pictures and knitted it instead.

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The pattern for this tractor hat is from this magazine. In the magazine it’s actually a kids hat, but that can easily be fixed by adding stitches so it’ll fit a man =). I thought my uncle should wear a tractor while driving one =D.

 

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This shawl was a Christmas gift for auntie dearest, and I used this pattern  from Ravelry (it’s a free pattern). I don’t remember what type of yarn I used, but I’m guessing it was cotton yarn =).

She’s also “borrowed” a few paintings I did (she was storing them for me, and one day she told me she had hung some of them in her house =P), but I’m not going to show that. I’m allowed to have a few secrets =).

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Lament Configuration!

I’ve been a fan of Clive Barker since…, well since forever. At least that’s what it feels like. He’s one of my favorite authors, and I realize that’s probably one of the biggest clichés ever. I don’t mind being a cliché, I love the man (his art, his books, his movies)! The first time I entered Clive Barker’s world, was when I saw Hellraiser. This was back in the good old days when we went to video rental stores, and picked out movies based on the cool covers. Every time my brother and I wanted to rent movies we weren’t old enough to see, the lady behind the counter would call our mom and ask if we were allowed to see it (yes I grew up in a very small town, where everyone knew each other). It took a while before I was allowed to see Hellraiser, but I got there eventually.
I don’t know how many times I’ve read Barker’s Books of Blood. I love his Books of Blood so much, there are now two copies of those books in the bookshelf . Well, kind of two copies.IMG_20150423_145739 When I got desperate a few years back, they only had volume 1-3 in one book, and 4-6 in separate books. I survived the ordeal, I’m still breathing =). As you can see, the top books are starting to fall apart, one is even taped! So when the inevitable happens, I have backups.

 

IMG_20150423_144408For years I’ve hinted to everyone I knew, that I wanted a Lament Configuration (it’s the pretty puzzle box from the Hellraiser movies). A friend of a friend had gotten a puzzle box like that for Valentine’s Day (maaaany years ago), with homemade anatomical heart and a note. I can’t remember what the note said, but it was probably something like “you’re my greatest pleasure”. What horror fanatic woman wouldn’t want that as a gift!? I still haven’t gotten my Valentine box, I’m patiently waiting. I did however get this wonderful box for my birthday a few years back, filled with horror DVD’s. It’s a big box, 27x27x27cm, and it was filled to the top =D.

 

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So the time had come to take matters into my own hands, and knit my own Lament Configuration. With all the detail on the box, I made the pattern as easy as possible. I figured all the tiny little details would be easier to add after, with needle and thread. The pattern is not a true replica of the original box. I wanted the size of IMG_20150422_170754the box as close to the size in the movies, so I had to cheat a little with the pattern. With the needle size and yarn I used, there wasn’t enough room in the pattern to make it a perfect copy. It resembles the original Lament Configuration, and that’s good enough for me =). I even told some people I would have a Hellraiser marathon, but I couldn’t do it. There are after all 9 movies, and I only like a third of them =).

 

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Luckily I have other Clive Barker adaptations to enjoy, I enjoy most of the Books of Blood movies (most of them, but not all). I skipped Candyman, because I revisited it not that long ago while I was in a Clive Barker mood. I did revisit Nightbreed, Lords of Illusion and Book of Blood. On a side note; I’m really looking forward to the adaptation of Jacqueline Ess: Her Will and Testament. It’s such a good story, and the part of Jacqueline is being played by Lena Headey!

 

IMG_20150423_185406This is what the box looked like before I started on the tiny details. Inside there’s a cardboard box, I didn’t want it to be soft and squishy. It’s after all a box, it needs edges and corners.

 

 

IMG_20150424_153321Here’s the finished IMG_20150424_153222 project, my very own precious Lament Configuration. It’s about 10x10cm, an almost perfect fit for my tiny hand. It doesn’t open a portal to another realm (yet).

 

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I was on such a roll, that I even made a tiny tiny Lament Configuration, I wanted to see if I could. And now I’m going to start on the second Lament Configuration. I promised a friend I would make one for him as well, if I was able to pull it off.

 

Here are some of the movies:
Hellraiser
Hellraiser II
Nightbreed
Book of Blood
Valerie On The Stairs & Haeckels Tale – Masters of Horror episodes
Candyman
Lord of Illusions

 

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Creepy Siamese Twins Doll! (horror movies included)

Meet May and Ida, Evil Ed’s sisters! They are the second doll in a long line of creatures I plan to make (a plan I’ve been working on for almost 2 weeks now =P). My plan is to make myself a Freak Show Circus! I have a clown and Siamese twins now, so I think I’m off to an ok start =). If anyone has any ideas to what kind of creatures a freak show circus should have, I’m open to suggestions. So far I’m thinking of a creepy old gypsy fortune teller (Drag Me To Hell), a weird magician who actually cuts people in half (The Wizard of Gore – 1970), and a circus director in the style of Michael J. Anderson (Carnivàle/Twin Peaks).

Like Evil Ed, May and Ida are named after something from the realm of horror, they are named after two of my favorite characters portrayed by the beautiful Angela Bettis. At the bottom of this post is a short list of movies =).

 

IMG_20150411_013947 This doll was a lot easier to knit than Evil Ed. Mostly because I had a plan before I started knitting, and I stuck to the plan. Like last time I knitted a doll, I looked for some inspiration for my project. I wanted Siamese twins, one body two heads, and I looked through my collection of horror movies. I found a few, and the first one I IMG_20150411_162122watched was Brian De Palma’s Sisters. I started off at the bottom this time, actually with a pair of socks. I picked up stitches along the top of the socks, and continued to knit the legs.

 

 

I’m a big fan of knitting as many pieces together,IMG_20150411_215735 instead of sewing what seems to be a million pieces together. What I did when the legs were long enough, was cast on new stitches between the legs, and continued knitting on double pin needles in a round. I did the same with the arms as I did from sock to legs. I picked up stitches along the holes I had made for the arms, and knitted! All I had to do from there was sew in any ends I had, and not having to worry about putting all the pieces together! I put the stitches for the necks on separate threads, I figured I would knit some clothes for them before the heads came on. At this point I had no idea how I wanted the heads and faces to look like. While I knitted the body, I watched Basket Case 1 & 2.

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I decided that May and IdaIMG_20150420_194947 would be “pretty” girls, they like things that sparkle, they like to be feminine. They like to dress up and be quite girly. They have always been pretty girls, long before they died. I watched the movie Alone when I made the clothes, and quite fittingly the movie starts with the mother sewing a dress for her girls =D.

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Evil Ed loves his sisters very much, they’re probably the only thing Evil Ed loves. Evil Ed wasn’t always evil. When May and Ida were still alive, Evil Ed was a fun loving clown. But then one day some people came and took May and Ida. They were freaks, and simple town folks think freaks are evil, and they killed May and Ida (those ignorant bastards)! Evil Ed lost it, and with some magical help got his sisters back. They are fully functional revenants with heightened psychic abilities. They don’t need any weapons to kill people, but sometimes big brother Ed lets his sisters borrow his meat cleaver =).

 

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IMG_20150421_124200I also dug up this old comicIMG_20150421_124252 Iskald Grøss, the Norwegian equivalent of The Vault of Horror comic. It’s about a two headed man, who covers up his “bad self” in a basket he carries around. It’s a fun little story =)

A short movie list (they are all linked to IMDB):
Evil Ed – the inspiration for Evil Ed’s name
May – inspiration for the name May
Masters of Horror – “Sick Girl” – inspiration for the name Ida
Sisters
Basket Case
Alone
Freaks

 

30 Rock!

I’m a big tv show and movie fan, as is my boyfriend. Our movie collection are in the thousands, our tv show collection is huge! It might make us seem like boring people, spending most evenings catching up on our episodes and ever growing pile of movies we still haven’t seen. But we don’t care, we like being “boring”. My boyfriend also works for a cinematic company, so we get 2 free movie tickets for every movie we see at the movie theatre =D. True story, I asked my boyfriend to marry me weeks before we even started dating, when he told me he gets 2 free tickets for every movie through his workplace!

Horror is not the only thing that occupies my time, I like to be entertained, so I watch all kinds of things. I’m one of those who follow too many TV shows, so much so that I’ve even made a spreadsheet to keep track of everything!

I have a “thing” for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, specially their shows 30 Rock and Parks & Rec. I’ve also loved watching them hosting The Golden Globe awards!
30 Rock is by far one of my favorite comedy shows this last decade, there’s just something really nerdy about it =P I’m not going go into any details why I think this is such a great show, tv reviewers can do that. What I’d like to show are my two 30 Rock hats, based on Liz Lemon’s range of curse words.

For those of you unfamiliar with some of Liz’s 1phrases and words, here’s a little clip from YouTube:

 

 

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Meet my head model Bob-Igor FluffyIMG_20150314_134000 (very long inside joke I have with my boyfriend’s oldest son =P). Mr. Fluffy will be my hat model until he passes gas, and dies!

IMG_20150314_133927This hat says “Blërg”, and it’s based onIMG_20150314_133944 Liz Lemon’s curse word “blerg”.  Blërg is also the name of her home office furniture from IKEA. I knitted it back and forth since the letters only go on the front side, and then sewed it together in the back. It’s knitted on needle size 6 (US size 10), with a mix of Fritidsgarn and Iglo (both are wool).

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Here we have Mr. Fluffy in a stylish grey, green and purple beanie that says “jagweed”, one of the many things Liz calls her nerdy co-workers when she’s angry and stressed =) Knitted with a IMG_20150314_134418wool/acrylic blend on needle size 4 IMG_20150314_134437(US size 6), like the other one knitted back and forth, and then sewn together in the back.

 

Both of these are of course knitted with leftover yarn from my stash, it’s what I do ;P. For the letters I used Times New Roman and Fancy Alphabet from this site. If you can’t be bothered to draw up a chart of letters, you should check out the link =)

 

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Purple field of daisies cowl – free pattern!

20150412_145939I finished this long cowl a few days ago, it’s going to be a birthday/Christmas gift to someone. Or maybe it won’t, who can tell =P. It will be a gift =). Every time I’m finished with a knitting project, I hand wash whatever it is I’ve done. I do that every time. One of the things that annoy me with knitting cloths, is when you try them on in a clothing store that seem to fit just fine. And after that first wash, theyimage-2014103112061142 don’t really do that anymore. So I get that first wash out of the way, the yarn gets that extra smidge of a stretch, and they smell nice and clean. Old habits die hard and all that! I do apologize for the pictures, I’m not a genius, and for some reason the purple color changed a little. The actual color is on the picture of the skein.

 

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I’ve called this cowl purple field of daisies, because of the color purple and the pattern reminds me of daisies. This is what you need to make this cozy cowl:

Circular needles size 4mm/US size 6
Gauge (Falk): 22sts = 4inches

6-7 skeins. I used Falk (50g = 1 3/4 oz, 106m = 116yds) on this cowl, a nice wool yarn. If you choose a different type of yarn, be sure you have the same yarn length if you’re knitting the same size as this one.

Measuring tip: Hold the cowl up when you measure, so that the pattern stretches a little. Full length of the cowl is approx. 48cm. If you want your cowl wider or slimmer, the main pattern is 12sts long.

Explanations:
*knit 2sts together in back loop* =  slip one st knitwise, knit 1st, pass slipped stitch over the stitch you just knitted.
*knit 3sts together* =  slip 1st knitwise, knit 2sts together, pass slipped stitch over the stitch you just knitted.
*7.round: the first *knit 3sts together* = knit the 2sts at the beginning of the round, take the last sts from the previous round and slip over. Only the first *knit 3sts together*.

Cast on 228sts on circular needles.
Knit one round, purl one round (garter stitch).

Knit pattern (there’s a knitting chart at the end of the pdf file):
1.round: *knit 1 sts, 1 yarn over, knit 3sts, knit 2sts together, knit 1st, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 3sts, 1 yarn over*. Knit *..* over all sts.

2.round: Knit over all sts.

3.round: *knit 2sts, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts, knit 2sts together, knit 1st, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 2sts, 1 yarn over, knit 1st*. Knit *..* over all sts.

4.round: Knit over all sts.

5.round: *knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop*. Knit *..* over all sts.

6.round: Knit over all sts.

7.round: *knit 3sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 3sts, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 1st, 1 yarn over*. Knit *..* over all sts.

8.round: Knit over all sts.

9.round: *knit 2sts, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 1st*. Knit *..* over all sts.

10.round: Knit over all sts.

11.round: *knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 3sts, 1yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop*. Knit *..* over all sts.

12.round: Knit over all sts.

13.round: * knit 1st, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 3sts, 1 yarn over, knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 3sts, knit 2sts together*. Knit *..* over all sts.

14.round: Knit over all sts.

15.round: *knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 2sts, 1 yarn over, knit 3sts, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts, knit 2sts together*. Knit *..* over all sts.

16.round: Knit over all sts.

17.round: *knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over*. Knit *..* over all sts.

18.round: Knit over all sts.

19.round: *knit 2sts, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, 1 yarn over, knit 3sts together, 1yarn over, knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st*. Knit *..* over all sts.

20.round: Knit over all sts.

21.round: *knit 1st, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 3sts, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over*. Knit *..* over all sts.

22.round: Knit over all sts.

23.round: *knit 2sts, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together in back loop, knit 1st, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 2sts together, 1 yarn over, knit 1st*. Knit *..* over all sts.

24.round: Knit over all sts.

Repeat this pattern (these 24 rounds) 6 times in length. After you’ve done the pattern, finish off by one round purl, one round knit, one round purl while casting off. Sew in ends.

20150412_145507Finished result. For20150412_145547 pdf file, click on the red link below =).

 

 

 

 Download pattern here!

 

 

Scary plants!

 

IMG_20150409_140051Although Halloween is still months away, there’s no reason not to knit a flesh eating plant =D. For some reason I can never keep live plants for long. There’s this thing where I think a plant is going to die, and so I water them too much and I kill them…! I am a plant killer! I don’t mean to, I would love to have a small jungle in my home. I just seem to want to kill them all! =P I do however do a good job when I water other people’s plants, go figure… I have one plant, which I’m desperately trying to revive. It has start to bloom again, on one side. I doubt it’ll get through it though, but I haven’t given up yet!

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So since I’m so good at killing plants, I’ve started to knit them instead. That way I can’t kill them, it is impossible to kill a fake plant (unless you find a pair of scissors and go crazy, which I won’t do!). I made this plant for Halloween a few years back, and my boyfriend and I liked it so much, it gets to see the light of day all year long. It’s no longer a IMG_20150409_140244Halloween plant, it’s our everyday plant =). I borrowed the idea from this lovely lady; Cyclops pot plant, when I one day googled knitted horror plants. I made a couple of changes, I wanted teeth on my plant, so I have two eyes and two mouths on mine.

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A little hot tip for the soil part, is to use really old towels you’re going to throw out anyway. Those old towels that no one would ever use again, which have been taking up space at the bottom of your stack of hand towels =).

 

Here are some links to other fun knitted and crocheted plants (click on the images to go to the patterns):

Mario Bros. Piranha Plant by Janet Carrillo

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 Piranha plant by Lupita Suarez

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 Chomper from “Plants vs Zombies” by Olka Novitskaya

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 Carnivine Pokemon by Katherine Homer

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Sweet Halloween Pumpkin – NOT by Phoeny

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And here are some not so scary with a big nerd factor =D:

Rooti the Mandrake Seedling by Britni Husband
(it’ll be like Pan’s Labyrinth!)

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IMG_6020_medium2Baby_groot_-_free_crochet_pattern_medium2Baby Groot from Guardians of the Galaxy! The left one is crocheted by Maarja Härsing-Värk, the right one is knitted by Meghan Munro.

 

You should also take the time to check out some of the others things these designers have made! =)

Up close and personal – therapeutic knitting

Today I thought I would talk about something very personal, and I’m actually dreading every minute of it. However, it’s an important subject, so I’m going to ignore my fears and push on. In “A Little Bit About Me” section on the menu, I’ve mentioned that I’m diagnosed with chronic depression, and how (among a few things) knitting has helped me get through the days. There are so many people out there who suffers from what I call “invisible illnesses” in dire need of help, support and purpose. So I’m going to share some of my life story with whoever reads my blog. And I do apologize in advance. This might be a long post before I get to the point. I hope you bare with me and read until the end.

For the better part of my life I’ve struggled to find my place in this world, to find my identity. Mostly because there was no room for me. When I was a little girl my mother told me that the reason why I was made, was to be a big sister for my brother. He was my responsibility, I had to take care of him (play with him, be with him etc). That was my purpose. Mother was always busy with her own things, at first with re-education, later with work and drinking. She’s a full on alcoholic who denies it (both my parents are alcoholics). So from as early as I can remember I was taught that mother’s needs came first, then my brother’s, and by the time that was done it was bed time.
I also had a shitty time at school, the majority of kids would bully me on a daily basis. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone. And although hardly anyone lives up it to, most of them call themselves Christian. My parents never married, so in other people’s eyes I was a bastard child. So the fact is, because the so called Christian parents saw me as a bastard, their kids bullied me (there were other reasons for the bullying too, the bastard thing was just one). It’s amazing how ignorant people can be.
When I was 12 we moved to the city where mother had a job at the hospital. Mother got a boyfriend after a year who also drank heavily, and for 3 years we lived in a home with physical and mental abuse. The guy never laid a hand on me, but he scared the shit out of me on several occasions. He did however beat mother senseless more than I want to remember, and he laid his hands (and feet) on my bother. By the time I was 16, I left.

I’ve always been a little strange, not full on weird, just a little bit strange. I’ve been told on several occasions that when I was little and played with my toys, I wouldn’t make any kind of sounds. You see, I’ve always lived inside my head, created my own private world where no one may enter. I never really let anyone in to see the real me, and because of that no one has ever really known me or how bad I’ve had it. Because of this, and my life experience, I’ve never really had any friends. At least not any close friends. I can count on one hand how many friends I’ve had in my life, before I started therapy.

Because my childhood and teenage years were as they were, my adult years have been quite the struggle. For years I couldn’t really sleep. I could stay up for 2-3 days, then sleep for 3 hours, and then stay up again 2-3 days. I’ve struggled with anorexia and binge eating disorder. I’ve made more mistakes than I want to admit. For years I self medicated and got addicted to drugs. I’ve been in 2 abusive relationships. At one point I was even homeless (for 8 months). I’ve tried to kill myself so many times, I’ve lost count. When I was barely 20 years old, I made myself a pact. If my life was still a living nightmare by the time I was 29, I would end it, go out like all the rock stars and movie stars who didn’t live to see their thirtieth birthday. That was my plan.

Luckily, by the time I was 29, I had been in a relationship with the nicest person I had ever met, and because of him I finally got into therapy. I owe him my life, and today we are good friends. I spent 4 years in therapy, 3 years individual therapy and 2 years in group therapy (yes they overlapped). During those years I learned that most things I was taught as a kid and teenager from my mother, was wrong. Being an adult and having to rearrange what you thought was right, is difficult and at times shameful. I’ve never excepted to be “healthy” in a short amount of time, I’ve always had the notion that if I’ve lived one way for 29 years, it’ll probably take me 29 years to undo it (hopefully it won’t). I’m in a much better place now than I’ve ever been in my life (my worst days are when I have flashbacks or I wake up feeling sad for an unknown reason).
I finally have a safety net if I fall, I have people around me who understands what it is to be mentally ill (and of course there are people in my life who still doesn’t understand that although I might look fine, I’m not fine). I have an identity, I know who I am and what I want. I try to be selfish, because I need to be. Having spent so many years putting aside my needs for my immediate family (mother and brother), I really do need to be selfish. It’s not easy though, it’s programmed in my head that other people’s needs should come first. But I’m learning, and I’m trying.
Through group therapy I learned to actually speak, to talk about what’s in my head. I implode because I keep everything so close to my heart, which is very unhealthy. Today I talk about what bothers me. Not everything though, and not to anyone. But I do talk. I still have things I need to unlearn, to learn the right way.
I’ve tried a few different kinds of medication since I started therapy, but I’m not on any now. My two main reasons for this is that I can’t stand the side effects (I’ve always gotten at least one side effect I can’t live with), and my drug addiction. I don’t want to be addicted to drugs, prescription or otherwise.
I also have the most wonderful boyfriend, who lets me be as silly as I can be when I’m feeling bad. I have days when I’m so low and so sad, and still fully aware that what I’m doing and saying comes from the parts of me that’s ill. My boyfriend lets me be exactly who I am, and I love him dearly for it.

The one thing that really gets me through the days, specially the difficult ones, is knitting. Therapy has helped me in ways I cannot even explain, and so has knitting. The main reasons why knitting helps me is:
It keeps me focused, instead of drifting off into my own private dark world.
The feeling of accomplishment when I’ve made something, especially if it’s my own design.
It fills my time when I have nothing to do. I suffer from social anxiety, knitting gives me a purpose when I’m home alone.
It calms me down, when I’m stressed or angry.
It sharpens my brain, knitting involves math and reading patterns. This is good for brain exercise (this also helps me remember the past as it really happened, instead of remembering the dark moments of my past).
It gives me something constructive to do, instead of something destructive.

There have been several studies saying that knitting is good for you/us, not only for those suffering from depression, but any number of illnesses. I did a quick google search on therapeutic knitting, and found a number of articles and studies. And I also found this site: Stitchlinks. It is absolutely worth a look. There are also other helpful sites to look at, depending on your illness/diagnoses.

I know that knitting isn’t for everyone. But for those who feel they need something in their lives (for whatever reason) who thinks knitting could be an option, please start knitting! For those of you who couldn’t give a flying monkey’s butt about knitting, I encourage you to find something. Any hobby at all. Anything to give you a feeling of purpose, self worth, ego boost. Suffering from illnesses that no one can really see and often can’t understand (unless they go through something similar), is so lonely. We need to fill the loneliness with good things, otherwise we doom ourselves. I’m not saying you have to do this, I’m letting you know that this has helped me and countless of other people. There’s no harm in trying =).

A World of Wrist Warmers

In the spirit of “lets show everyone my mountain of personal knits”, it’s time for the wrist warmers. I do love me a pair of wrist warmers, having cold hands and cold feet is the worst. I even have a pair of wrist warmers for my knitting sessions, but they are so worn out, I’m ashamed to show them =P

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Knitted with Sandnes Mini Alpaca yarn, they are more arm warmers than wrist warmers. Fully stretched they go over the elbow. Knitted on needle size 2 1/2, rib knit all the way (2 knit/2 purl). This is the only pair of wrist warmers that hasn’t been knitted with leftover yarn.

 

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These 2 pairs of wrist warmers goes all the way to just below my elbows, The red/white pairs is cotton, the blue/grey is alpaca wool, leftover yarn of course.

 

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These 2 pairs are aboutIMG_20150220_151135 30cm long, knitted with leftover wool blends.

 

 

 

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IMG_20150220_151027 The blue/green pair is knitted with leftover cotton blend yarn, is about 30cm long. The red pair is knitted with leftover alpaca yarn, and is about 20cm long.

 

As you’ve probably noticed, I like stripes =P. At least when I knitted these wrist warmers years ago. I really don’t like having cold hands, so wrist warmers are at times my best friend. I do have one pair that’s not striped:

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This one pair is knitIMG_20150220_151335ted with leftover acrylic yarn, with a cable pattern and hole pattern.

 

 

Since I still have a vast mountain of leftover yarn, I plan to make a few new additions to my wrist warmer collection. As I mentioned, all of these were knitted years ago, when intricate patterns scared me. Now I look for the challenges, the things I haven’t tried yet. In my long line of queued items I’m going to knit these and these wrist warmers. They are on my to-do list =)

 

Evil clown (movie favorites included)

I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I’m a horror fan, I’m a big horror fan! If I could, I would go on about how what and why I love horror. But I’m restraining myself as best I can not to go off topic (this is after all a knitting blog, not a movie blog).

On March 26th I watched Jon Watts/Eli Roth’s new horror movie Clown, it was an enjoyable time. I think the same day (or at least a day or two before or after I saw this movie), Fear Itself (an upcoming horror movie) introduced itself to me. So you could say I had a wave of inspiration, and I knew I had to make myself an evil clown. Evil clowns are so much fun, although I’ll admit there aren’t that many evil clown movies I actually like, mostly due to poor storylines and terrible acting.
During the process of making my clown, I’ve of course revisited some clown movies and TV shows, just to be in the zone. At the bottom of this post is a very short list of movies and TV show I’ve enjoyed, and the titles are all linked to IMBD.

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My initial plan was to make evil clown heads, and hang them on my branch in my windowsill. But as soon as I had finished my first (and so far only) clown head, I realized it was too good to just be a head. It needed a body. I also realized that my head kind of resembled Pennywise, so I decided not to make him a big puffy yellow one piece suit. IMG_20150402_134236While I was making the head, I revisited season 2 of Psychoville which starts off with a clown funeral (not including the Halloween special episode). In Psychoville the main clown, Mr. Jelly, isn’t necessarily evil, he is just bitter and cynical, and has had really bad fortune. He lost his hand because of another clown/surgeon called Mr. Jolly, so Mr. Jelly has a hook for a hand (and a bag of hands for his tricks).

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Since I started with the head, the rest of the knitting was very much a “lets guess how big the body needs to be, and just try until it fits”. It took 3 tries to get the pants the size I wanted, because I was dead set on having different colors on each leg. While I did those I watched one of my absolute favorite clown movies, Stitches! A 2012 Irish horror comedy starring the stand-up comedian Ross Noble.

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IMG_20150403_030052While I knitted the jacket, the torso (for this I just picked up stitches around the top edge of the pants and knitted on dpn until it was long enough) and arms, I revisited the Masters of Horror episode “We all scream for ice cream”, and then I put on Stephen King’s IT. I sewed on the head and arms, and sewed in buttons on the jacket.

 

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What was left on the clown now was feet, hands, teeth, eyes, and some other details on his clothes. The feet were easy enough, and when they were done, I played tippy toe with them on the table. It’s almost embarrassing how silly I can get when I’mIMG_20150403_190424 enjoying my knitting time. While I did the feet and sewed them on, I watched Amusement. It’s not really a clown movie, however the clown part of the movie is really good, and so is the rest ofIMG_20150403_190415 the
movie =D.

 

 

I had also made the decision to give him IMG_20150404_191051one hand and one hook. The hand was a bit of a nightmare to get right, but only because I wanted the clown to be able to open and close his hand. I knitted the fingers I-cord,  and stuffed pipe cleaners in them. It took a couple of tries, those skinny bastards kept bending and getting hooked on stitches. Of course this led to my boyfriend’s boys IMG_20150404_191132_1flipping each other off with my clown… They also made him answer the fake phone. I did it though, and now my evil clown can hold the meat cleaver I made for him. A blood dripping meat cleaver! It’s all in theIMG_20150404_191000 details you know ;). On his hook there is an eye ball, from his last victim!

This clown could have been made in a much easier way, but I don’t really care. I had a lot of fun while knitting it. Specially doing all the little details, like the eye ball, the teeth and eyes, to the insignificant but cheerful yellow polka dots on his blue jacket arm. He still needs to be named, an evil clown needs a good name. All suggestions are welcome =D

And here he is, my evil clown!

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Some of my favorite clowns on the screen, and clown movies/TV shows (including those I’ve already mentioned in my post):

Stitches
Psychoville (TV show)
Masters of Horror (TV show)
IT
Killer clowns from outer space
Amusement (not a true clown movie, just one part of it)
Zombieland (not a true clown movie, the character Columbus has a fear of clowns, and meets a zombie clown in the end)
American Horror Story (season 5 “Freak Show” has the evil clown)
Clown
Clownhouse
(was very scary when I saw it as a kid, not so much as an adult)
100 Tears

I'm a nerdy female of 36 winters who love to knit! Most days are spent with knitting needles in my hands =)

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